Hair Today

I've got a bit of an announcement to make, well it's more of an unveiling really.

As you may or may not know I hate being a baldy.

Even though I moan about being a baldy, several times day, I don't really think of myself as a being a baldy.

A lot of people have told me to just keep it cut short and let nature takes it's course, but I'm not really happy with that. I've got that weird monk cut going on and if I let it grow for any length of time it looks like, well, like I've given up on life.

For a long time part of me has actually believed that one day my hair will start to grow back, in the same way that one day I'll no longer need to wear glasses.

I've finally come to accept that this is probably not going to happen.

But I'm not willing to accept being a baldy bastard any longer, so for the last couple of months I've been travelling down to London to have hair replacement therapy.

I told them I wanted to have my old hair back and I think they've done a pretty excellent job.

But what do you think?

BAFTA is the best medicine

A show I co-wrote, KNTV Sex, won the Scottish BAFTA for Best Children's Show earlier this week adding to the Royal Television Society Education Award it won earlier in the year.

(That's two years running a show I've written for has won that award.. what?... I'm just saying that's all.. okay, okay, fine, I'll just shut up about it then)

The Prophecy!!

One night in Budapest Teddy and I went to a Mozart recital. When the conductor blew his whistle for half time we filed out into the foyer to stretch our legs.

Whilst we were looking at some pictures on Teddy's camera an old woman approached us and offered to take our photograph. We thanked her and handed over the camera, she took our picture, and handed it back to us. Nothing unusual about that you might say.

We looked at the picture on the camera and noticed an old woman, who looked very like the woman who'd just taken our picture, was standing behind us.

We turned around but she was no longer there. We turned back and were astonished to find that the old woman who'd taken our photograph had also disappeared.

As you can imagine we found this quite unsettling but by the time the concert was over we had dismissed what had happened earlier as nothing more mysterious than two elderly sisters enjoying a night of classical music, and thought no more about it.

On the final day of our holiday I decided to visit the Hungarian National Gallery. I was enjoying their extensive collection of Renaissance and Baroque art when I saw something that shook me the very core.

A medieval painting depicting two young Hungarian knights setting off to fight an army of Turkish invaders and in the background what appeared to be the ghostly apparition of an old lady.

The same old lady that had taken and appeared in our photograph.

And the name of this painting?

"Teddy and Allan go to a classical music concert in Budapest and get freaked out by an old woman standing behind them"

Shiteclubbing

The nightlife in Budapest really does offer something for everyone.

Teddy liked to hang out here with all the big nobs..

Whereas I preferred this place even though it was full of fannies*

If neither of those float you boat then you could always take in a show..

yes that's 100% LIVE!!

(* in case your wondering if there's another Scottish Hungarian connection Club Pie was actually a clothes shop.. unfortunately)

Foodapest

During our trip to Budapest Teddy took lots of photographs of the one of the most architecturally attractive cities in the world whereas I tended to take pictures of what I was eating. So join with me now as we take a cultural and gastronomic tour of Budapest.

Okay you've just arrived and you're hungry tight so lets get a flavour of our surroundings and go to a local canteen for some traditional food. It's probably best to take your time and try to work out what the various food on offer actually is or you may panic and point at the first thing you see.

Right you've had your ridiculously large amount of lentils so lets go and have a look at Europe's largest parliament building.

I think there's just time to grab some chicken topped with bacon and pineapple wrapped in cheese.

This statue on Vaci Street is particularly interesting because the figures in grey are actually out of work actors pretending to be statues whereas the mothers and toddlers at the front are actually carved from stone.

Be sure to try the toffee type stuff handmade into the shape of a house.

Whilst were chewing that over we should cross over the Danube and take in the view from the Fisherman's Bastion.

Time to refuel with a giant baked potato. The girls stand and mash your potato with a knife for about 5 minutes giving you more than enough time to choose from the delicious range of traditional baked potato fillings like eggplant, cucumber, kebab or mushrooms.

Now for some more food.. food for the soul that is, as we stop off to admire the stunning dome of St Stephens basilica.

Look at this funnel cake.. and what's that he's holding?

Yes you're right that is the liberty statue that towers over the city.

All over Budapest there are shops and stalls selling mountains of fresh fruit and veg. We're not in Scotland any more Dorothy!

This tunnel was built by Scottish engineer Adam Clark who also built the famous chain bridge.

Let's celebrate the Scottish Hungarian connection with a roll and horses willy.

A visit to the opera sounds like a good idea but the tickets sell out far in advance.

But you can console yourself with some bread type stuff fresh from the clay oven type thing.

Gellert Hill is a great place to get a view of the Danube.

It's a fair old hike so lets stop off for a cup of tea and a cake.

Hey isn't that St Istvan. You know what I think you might be right!

Now this is a lot of crepe. I can recommend the nutela, cinnamon, cream and chocolate sauce variety, especially if you want to lose all your teeth.

The millennium monument.

What you can't still be hungry? Did you not have any breakfast this morning? Oh you didn't well let's have it now.

As we missed out on the opera lets go round the corner and catch the Mozart and Haydn concert.

All that listening has given me a powerful hunger.

It's getting late so let's head back over the chain bridge.

I'm starving let's go for an ice cream.

A last look over towards Buda Castle.

And I think we've just got enough space left for a couple of Dreher.

Koszonom!!

Goodbye Ruby Cruise Day

I'm interrupting my own holiday tales to give mention to another of my mum and dads holiday misfortunes that took place only a few days ago.

They booked a cruise to coincide with their 40th wedding anniversary and flew out on Friday morning to meet the ship Corfu.. I tell you what why don't just I let this article from Monday's Scotsman newspaper pick up the rest of the story.

Four-hour flight turns into two-day Greek odyssey for weary travellers

Published Date: 26 October 2009

By Bob Geddes

IT SHOULD have been a short hop to some late autumn sun but for a group of Scottish holidaymakers it turned into a marathon.

Passengers leaving Glasgow on Friday for the Greek islands had expected to be in the air just a few hours.

But instead they were hit with a series of delays, mechanical failures and weather problems which saw their short trip turn into a 42-hour Greek tragedy.

The Thomson Holidays flight 1522 with more than 200 people on board left Glasgow airport at 7:30am on Friday bound for Corfu.

The normal four-hour flight first ran into trouble when it had to land at Thessaloniki on the Greek mainland with technical problems.

After it was refuelled, the plane took off for Corfu.

But many of the Greek islands have been swept by severe thunderstorms over the past few days and the pilot was forced to abort the landing because of bad weather.

The flight returned to Thessaloniki where passengers had to wait as the plane was refuelled for a second time before taking off for Athens where it was grounded for the night.

The now somewhat travel-worn passengers were put up in a hotel in the Greek capital and hoped to fly on to their holiday destination the next day.

But when they returned to the airport on Saturday morning, they were delayed again after the plane developed a hydraulic pipe leak. Engineers spent much of the day repairing the problem as passengers sat and waited in the airport before they were eventually allowed back on board.

The plane finally flew out late on Saturday night, arriving in Corfu early yesterday morning, some 42 hours after leaving Glasgow.

Rab Hall, a builder from Crossmichael, near Castle Douglas, who was flying to Corfu for a week-long holiday, said: "

It's supposed to be a three- or four-hour flight but this has turned into a marathon. You expect delays, especially at holiday time, but you don't expect to be held up for two days."

His wife Elsie, a shop assistant who was due to celebrate her birthday on Saturday, said: "There's not much chance of celebrating it now with all these delays. It was £9 for a beer in the hotel in Athens."

She added: "When we got to the airport on Saturday morning, we were told there were technical difficulties and we would be delayed for another four hours. It's absolutely terrible. But it got worse and we had to wait all day."

Holidaymakers complained of "chaotic scenes" with a lack of information and very little food provided for those who did not book meals in advance for the flight.

Another passenger said: "The whole thing has turned into a holiday hell. The trouble was that we were not kept informed. We just couldn't get information."

No-one from Thomson Holidays was available for comment last night.

If you have a look at the link to the article there's quite a lot of comments from people moaning about the fact these holiday makers are moaning about some delays but what that article doesn't tell you is that my mum would probably been screaming "we're all going to die!" for the entire time.

Anyway 2 days after leaving Glasgow on a 4 hour flight they arrived arrived safely in Corfu..

By which point their ruby wedding anniversary cruise had sailed off without them.

Breakfast Club

The morning after the all you can eat AND drink night before we decided to try and distract our brains from their throbbing hangovers by stimulating them with a day at a museum.

Teddy wanted to visit The House of Terror, so called because it was used by The Nazi's and then latterly by the Commie's for doing unmentionables to the populace. I had a feeling it might not be the wacky fun time experience that it promised, and though it might distract my brain it might not distract my stomach, so I decided to go to an art gallery instead.

Before that however we decided to grab a light breakfast. A croissant and a cup of strong tea would be just the job. We spotted a sign above a basement that said 'Cheap Home Cooked Food' and so down we went. At the bottom of the stairs was a small, dark, empty room with three tables. There was also an instrument that looked like a cross between a harpsichord and a zither. Before we could about turn a man appeared from behind a curtain. Apart from missing the Fez he looked like the shopkeeper from Mr Ben.

"You want food?" said the Hungarian man

"Yes"

"One moment please"

He pointed to a table and then went out the door and up the stairs to the street leaving us alone in the small dark room and wondering if we'd accidentally stumbled on The House of Terror.

After a couple of minutes of wondering what was going on, and why there was a large musical instrument in the room but no menus, we we're thinking of making a bolt for the door when the man returned.

"One moment please" he repeated, but instead of getting us a menu he sat down at the xylamaphone and started winding what look like bits of cotton on to a couple of sticks. Another minute past and an old women wearing a shell suit and a dirty hat came down the stairs with a shopping bag.

"You want food?" asked the bag lady.

"Yes Please"

"Okay I give you Hungarian food yes? Soup and meat yes?"

"What kind of meat is it?"

"Is Hungarian meat. Would you like something drink? Beer, wine yes?"

This was our breakfast remember and we were hungover.

"Can we have two cokes please?"

"Coke yes" she replied and then headed off with her shopping and disappeared through the curtain.

Then the man started playing his instrument. He was obviously a very accomplished musician and the music would have been lovely was it not for the fact that he was only a few feet away, it was very loud, and we both had hangovers. Still escape was impossible now because we'd ordered random meat and he was sitting staring at us from a few feet away.

"Are you English?" he asked

"Scottish"

"Ah Scotland yes very good" he replied and launched into a version of Danny Bhoy.

The music was accompanied by the pinging of a microwave from behind the curtain as the woman prepared her home cooking. She appeared from behind the curtain with two glasses of cloudy liquid.

"The Coke is too cold, here is lemonade" she said and returned to her layer

The lemonade was a weak lemon drink that she'd attempted to make fizzy by adding a spoon full of sugar.

A few moments later she reappeared with a giant bowl of soup and two smaller bowls. We weren't sure if we were supposed to finish it all or risk insulting our hosts. I had two bowls whilst Teddy had four but we were still suffering from our all you can eat escapade so insult or not we left it only half finished. We would have left more had we realised that 'soup yes meat' meant that another course was unfortunately on its way.

I don't know what kind of meat it was but it came in the form of two giant balls and was unlike any meat I've ever tasted. The first forkful was a struggle but we were being stared at by a mad glochenorgan musician whose playing seemed to be getting faster and louder in time with the throbbing in my head. It felt like the only way to shut him up was finish as quickly as possible.

"You like food yes?" Said the woman collecting our plates

"Yes it was good"

"You want buy CD of his music?"

"Erm no thanks just the bill please"

We paid the surprisingly large bill and put our coats on. The pianachordianist player came across with a copy of his CD.

"You buy my CD? 5000 florints" (about £20)

I never wanted to hear his music again.

"No thanks" I said "We're on a bit of a budget".

The obamaphone player looked like we'd just shat in his soup bowl.

A nice hot bath

I've just returned from my annual Eastern European oddessy with Teddy. We headed off to Budapest because we were Hungary for culture.

Did you know Budapest has Europe's largest parliament, largest functioning synagogue, and can boast not one but two UNESCO world heritage sites? Oh you did, right well did you know you can see the remains of Roman fortresses as well as Gothic, Baroque and Art Nouveau architecture? Okay smart arse but did you know Budapest is also famous for something else?.. No not that, I'm talking about it being the only city in the world that has close to 100 thermal springs.

About the only time I spent in Budapest when I wasn't wearing two jumpers and a hat and scarf was when we we visited Szechenyi Baths.. Yes you're right, it is the largest thermal spring baths complex in Europe. The air temperature wasn't much above freezing but we were able to go swimming outside because the water in the pool was about the same temperature as a really hot bath.

Teddy remarked that this was the best thing we'd ever done on any of our trips and we'd remember it on our death beds, which is worrying for me because my long term memory only lasts about 2 years.

We spent about about 4 hours in various pools, thermal baths, jacuzzis, plunge pools, saunas and steam rooms after which time we felt super healthy and about a stone lighter. Uggh no I don't mean because we shat in one of the pools. We left feeling full of vitality and impervious to cold. We had become more than just men, we had become gods.

And we managed to sustain this feeling of invincibility and inner well being for what must have been oh at least 40 minutes because then we went to a restaurant which turned out to be an all you can eat and drink place...That's all you can eat AND drink!

Round 1

Round 2

Round 3

Round 4

Round 5

3 hours later and all the weight we'd sweated off was back on and then some. The waiters who has been so keen to get us to come in to eat and drink as much as we liked earlier on, were now looking at us with 'are you serious??' faces when we asked for yet another pint of Dreher.

By the time we exited into the cold night air, the metamorphosis was fully complete. We had bathed in the waters of Olympus but Bacchus had led us into temptation. We we were gods no more, we were but men. Fat, drunk, men.

Rubbish

The rubbish piling up around the streets of Partick is getting worse.. just look at the state of Hyndland Road yesterday. Who'd want to make a christmas booking with that view outside the window?

The littering problem has got so bad that the army has now been called in.

Actually it turned out all the real rubbish had been removed and replaced with stunt rubbish during the filming an apocalyptic romance called The Last Word.

Loads of sad people were hanging about to catch a glimpse of Ewan McGregor which I found quite pathetic.

Unlike myself who was hanging about to catch a glimpse of Eva Green.

Girl from Ipanema

Tall and Tanned and Young and Lovely

The Girl from Ipanema goes Walking

And when She passes each one She passes goes Phwoarrrr look at the jugs on that!

Oh Shit!! Sorry Mate, I thought you were a woman

Nice Moobs though!

Loss of Attachments

Forgot builders working on scaffolding outside window whilst walking about in pants.

Me that is not the builders.

Got milk from local shop so that didn't need to eat porridge with water.

Milk was off.

Ate porridge with water.

Discovered email broken and no one has recieved any attachments I've sent for over week.

Bemused that I now have two printers that only work if you want to print out blank pieces of paper.

Old man did horrendous cough right in my ear whilst bending over to pick up gammon steaks.

On the other hand I was in Mugdock Country Park when a small boy climbed into a hole in a tree and wouldn't come out for his increasingly angry Grandad.

Top th-Hat

Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop shagging this hat.

Don't worry it's just a Fez.

How long will it last?

You'll get over it... "Just Like That!"